


Tell Me Where it Hurts

by MissSunday25



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Game of Tropes, Angst and Feels, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Dubious Consent, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstandings, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sex Pollen, Stranded Together, happy bendemption day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:01:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSunday25/pseuds/MissSunday25
Summary: “Rey?” he asks, concerned. She doesn’t answer, her pupils dilated as she stares at him. She bites her lip, shifting uncomfortably. He opens the bond, reaching out tentatively to brush against her mind. What he finds sends him reeling - it’s as if all higher thought has abandoned her, replaced by an all-encompassing, painful desire. For him.ORsex pollen fic with feels
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 134





	Tell Me Where it Hurts

As far as planets to be stranded on go, it could have been worse. It could have been a frozen hellscape like Hoth, or a lifeless desert, or filled with predators large and small. Or it could have been completely uninhabitable, even unbreathable, to humans. So a semi-tropical planet in the Outer Rim, full of life and water sources, is easily survived. Ben Solo would know - for a while Snoke had made a habit of stranding him in extreme environments (he’d been especially partial to ice planets) with nothing more than his lightsaber and a few rations. 

Rey was a survivor too - he’d seen it, back when he’d been in her mind - but as a child of the desert he wasn’t sure how she’d fare in the snow and ice. He’d been surprised when she’d volunteered to go on this mission - tracking down a Sith artifact - with him. Since they’d returned from Exegol to the Resistance they’d barely spoken. Ben understands perfectly - he’d understood it when he’d seen her wrapped in her friends’ embraces,crying tears of joy, and days later when he’d seen her laughing with her friend Finn. Her expression had immediately sobered when she’d spotted Ben, the message clear; Rey’s friends made her happy, he didn’t. Most likely he reminds her of things she’d rather forget, things she should be allowed to forget. One kiss in the heat of the moment was just that - for all he knew it was a gratitude thing. 

Rey’s friends make her happy, and Ben wants her to be happy, she deserves to be happy. He tries his best to give her space - he’s even been blocking the bond - but the Resistance base is small and their paths do cross occasionally. He supposes one day, when he’s sufficiently atoned for his endless list of sins (it could be awhile, to be honest), he’ll remove himself from the Force entirely as his uncle did. Perhaps he’ll find some Outer Rim planet and live as a hermit, much like his namesake did for so many years. He certainly deserves far worse. 

He’d hoped to go out in a blaze of glory back on Exegol - saving the girl, saving the galaxy - for once, being someone worthy of his heroic lineage. And he’d done just that, and the reward had made it all worthwhile - Rey, alive in his arms, her smile bright as she’d looked at him (at him!), her lips soft and yielding against his as she’d pulled him into a kiss. It had all been worth it, and now he could die in the arms of the woman he loved and pass into the Force, where he could finally be at peace. 

But it hadn’t happened that way. The Force had taken one look at him and spit him back out, apparently not satisfied with his late-hour redemption. There was more to redemption than dying, it appeared. Dying was easy - living with everything he’s done and making atonements for it - that was much harder. Living with himself was harder. 

Ben attempted to silence these thoughts as Rey emerged from the smoking shuttle with an armful of rations. Neither of them had been hurt - together they’d managed to cushion the shuttle’s landing with the Force - but the free-fall through atmosphere had damaged it beyond use. 

“The comm systems are still functional. Somewhat, at least. I sent out a distress call, but we can’t receive messages.” She opens a ration pack with her teeth, taking a large bite and chewing nervously. She does that, he’s noticed, eats when she’s stressed. Wordlessly she holds out a ration bar to Ben, who declines with a shake of his head. 

“We’ll be fine,” he says in what he hopes is a soothing tone. “Someone will come for you. For us,” he corrects, even knowing as he says it that it’s not true. Most in the Resistance would be relieved if he suddenly disappeared, although they’d likely assume he’d returned to the First Order, or established himself as a Sith lord somewhere. Only Rey would likely search for him out of obligation, but she’d fear the worst as well. That was his fault, he knows. He’d given her no reason in the past to believe anything but the worst. 

“I’m not worried,” she lies, still stuffing her face with a ration bar. She won’t meet his eyes, and he wonders again why she’d volunteered to go on this mission with him. He’s aware he’s not trusted, but someone like Dameron would likely have offered to babysit. 

“Well,” he says awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. He notices Rey follow the movement before looking away. “We should take shelter for the night. The shuttle’s small, but there’s room for one if you’d like to sleep there.”

“What about you?” 

He shrugs. “I’ll find a cave or something. It’s fine.”

Rey frowns. “No, I wouldn’t feel right about that. We should stick together.” 

Right, she’s likely been instructed to never let him out of her sight. Fair enough. They gather the small amount of supplies they’d salvaged from the shuttle, then start walking. The planet is green and lush, even the air seems to shimmer with pollen and dew. He wonders if Rey likes it - he’d seen in her mind how much she likes green. If things were different, if Snoke/Palpatine had never latched onto his mind, if he’d never fallen, maybe he’d have been a pilot like his dad. Maybe he’d have found her, while making some supply run on Jakku. He could have convinced her to leave, taken her to see every green planet in the galaxy. He could see it - how her face would light up whenever they would break atmosphere. And if he were very lucky indeed, whenever she looked at him. 

Rey sneezes, interrupting Ben’s indulgent fantasy. She doubles over, seized by a violent fit of sneezes. 

“Kriff,” she curses, her eyes watering. “This pollen is really getting to me.” 

“Here.” He shrugs off his outerwear, leaving him clad in only an undershirt, and hands it to Rey. “Cover your nose and mouth with it.” 

She stares at him, her mouth opening and closing like a fish, then does as he says. Fortunately, he’s unaffected by the pollen, unlike poor Rey, who continues sneezing every twenty seconds or so. 

They stop at the mouth of a cave, and he reaches with the Force to feel for lifeforms. Not finding any, he leads her inside and they deposit their belongings without preamble. From the emergency pack he’d grabbed from the ship, he rips open a parachute and lays it out on the cave floor. Rey stumbles onto it, groaning pitifully as she continues to sneeze. 

Her sneezing fit ends as quickly as it begins, and he immediately feels that something is...off. She removes his shirt from her face, regarding him through slitted eyes, her breaths shallow and rapid. 

“Rey?” he asks, concerned. She doesn’t answer, her pupils dilated as she stares at him. She bites her lip, shifting uncomfortably. He opens the bond, reaching out tentatively to brush against her mind. What he finds sends him reeling - it’s as if all higher thought has abandoned her, replaced by an all-encompassing, painful desire. For him. 

“Rey, talk to me,” he says desperately as she pushes him on his back and straddles him, aided with the Force. He chokes back a groan as she grinds against him - to his horror he’s getting hard. Rey is not in her right mind - it’s obvious when he looks at her that no one is home - for him to take advantage of her in this state is unforgivable. 

“Ben,” she whimpers, grinding herself against his clothed cock. “Please, it hurts.”

“Fuck,” he moans as Rey continues moving against him. “Rey, you need to stop. You’re going to hate yourself when you’re you again.”

“I am me,” she sighs, eyes closed. To his continued horror, she reaches under her waistband and begins rubbing herself. The sight of her hand moving frantically under her leggings is making him harder than he already was. He’s sick for this, he knows it. Rey is going to hate him. 

She tenses, her face contorted as she brings herself to orgasm. She rides it out against him, her fingers inside her leggings bumping into his cock as she rubs to completion. He should stop her now, use her momentary distraction to subdue her with the Force. She’ll thank him later, he’s sure. But he’s weak, something Snoke always pointed out to him. He’s weak, and he’s pathetic. Because he’s weak he allows Rey to guide his hand between her legs, where she’s pushed her leggings down. 

He rubs his finger down her wet slit, gently parting her. Her eyes roll back as he rubs up and down, exploring. She directs him to a raised nub of flesh, moaning in delight as he circles it with his thumb. 

“Yes, like that. Yes, yes yes,” she chants, hips bucking against him. He continues circling her clit, simultaneously inserting a finger into her. He moves it in and out, the filthy squelching sound echoing throughout the cave, then adds another finger. She comes like that, her walls shuddering around him. 

She’s released his cock from its confines before he can stop her (not that he would have, at this point), and lowers herself down, impaling herself on him in one fluid motion. She’s hot and impossibly tight around him - when he grips her hips to assist her movements, her skin is nearly feverish. And for a few blissful moments there is nothing except for the feel of her around his cock, the taste of her skin as he surges up and laps at her neck. It’s over far too quickly, and before he can even process what’s happening he’s coming, hot ropes of come spending into her. 

He may be done, but Rey isn’t - she whimpers when his softening cock slips out of her, her fingers frantically rubbing her clit to chase her own release. Before he can think on it too deeply, he removes her from his lap and lowers her onto the cave floor, eagerly taking up residence between her legs and lapping her up. He tastes himself, and he tastes her, their combined fluids a heady ambrosia that he eagerly partakes in. He makes her come again that way, then again when he flips her over and drives into her from behind. 

After the fifth time he makes her come, her eyes have lost some of that crazed look and are nearly back to normal. 

“So tired,” she murmurs, her eyes half closed. “Stay with me, Ben.” 

“Of course,” he says guiltily, drawing a thermal blanket from the emergency pack around them. She nuzzles into his side and within moments is asleep, snoring softly. 

“I’m sorry,” he says out loud, to nothing and no one. She would hate him now, he knows this with certainty. He’d crossed a line that he’d never before crossed, not even when he’d gone by Kylo Ren and been mired in the Dark side. 

He lays there, awake, for hours. Once they’re back, he’ll volunteer to leave. Surely he can be useful to the Resistance elsewhere. It’s something he should have offered to do from the start, as soon as his injuries were healed, but some selfish part of himself had wanted to stay wherever Rey was. Well, this is what happened as a result. It wasn’t fair to Rey to inflict his presence on her any longer. 

He drifts off at some point, because the next thing he knows he’s waking up to a horrified Poe Dameron.

“I didn’t see anything!” he calls as he steps outside the cave, his back to them. “Now put some clothes on, for fuck’s sake!” 

They don’t look at each other as they dress in silence. Ben keeps his eyes averted from her nudity, affording her the privacy she should have been offered from the start. He should say something, but what can he possibly say? Knowing him it will come out all jumbled and nonsensical, or even offensive like when he called her nothing. 

The ride back to the base is unbearably awkward. Once they’ve taken off, Rey excuses herself to use the ‘fresher, likely so she can wash all traces of him off of her. He can’t blame her. 

“So, you and Rey, huh?” Poe asks cheerfully, once she’s left the cockpit. “I can’t say I’m surprised - you guys both have that Force thing and all...actually, I’m surprised it took this long. People were beginning to wonder.” He chuckles, clearly not picking up on Ben’s none-too-subtle glare directed at him. 

“Don’t,” Ben manages to grind out. “Just stop. Please.”

“Okay, big guy. I get it, you’re both private people. My lips are sealed.” 

Ben seriously doubts that, but at least Poe decides to change the subject. He jabbers on until Rey returns to the cockpit, her hair framing her face in damp waves. He’s never seen her with her hair like this before - it makes her look younger, more vulnerable, somehow. Ben feels a renewed wave of guilt and self-loathing at the thought. 

Two days of avoiding her later, he’s in his quarters gathering the few belongings he’s managed to accumulate since he’s been at the Resistance base. There isn’t much, aside from clothing and a few holos of his mother’s. He’d been surprised and saddened to learn that Leia had kept all of his baby holos and the holos they’d taken as a family. The sobs that had subsequently overtaken him at this discovery were not a surprise. Luckily he’d been by himself. 

He’s leaving, heading off by himself to chase down rogue First Order officers where they’ve supposedly created a strong-hold in the Outer Rim. There’s really nothing left for him at the base, anyway - he’s given the Resistance every last bit of intell. And besides, his presence makes people uncomfortable, which is nothing new, but he gains nothing in inflecting his presence on them. Particularly on her. 

He’s barely registered the knock at his door before it’s being flung open with the Force, revealing an irate Rey. Her face is blotchy as if she’s been crying, her eyes puffy. And she’s seething - he can feel it through the Force. 

“So that’s it?” she demands, pushing into his space. “You’re just going to leave and not even say goodbye?”

He stares at her incredulously. “What? Why would you...after what I did?” he stammers dumbly. 

She blinks, visibly deflating. “What you did? I’m the one who practically forced myself on you. That’s why you’re leaving, isn’t it? To get away from me.” She sniffs, a fresh crop of tears dusting her cheeks. “I’m sorry I haven’t apologized before - I just didn’t know what to say, and then the next thing I know, I’m hearing from Poe that you’re leaving!” 

“Apologize to me? Rey, you’ve done nothing wrong. You were under the influence and I took advantage of you. There’s nothing I can say to make it right.”

“Yes, I was under the influence, but I still knew what was going on! That’s what makes what I did so horrible.” She pauses, attempting to gather herself. “I know you don’t...want me, like that. It was a physical reaction that I forced out of you. But I’m so sorry - please don’t leave because of me.”

“Don’t want you? Why would you think that? I chased you across the galaxy, Rey. I asked you to rule with me. How could you think I don’t want you?”

She frowns. “Then why have you been avoiding me since Exegol? I kissed you, then you shut the bond on me! I haven’t been able to feel you since then.What else would I think?”

“I…” he trails off, noting miserably that she’s started crying again. “Please don’t cry,” he says softly. “I’m not worth your tears.”

“What?”

He shuts his eyes, sighing. “You don’t owe me anything, Rey. I wanted you to live, to not be dragged down by someone like me. That’s why I shut the bond. That’s why I avoided you. But it hurt you, which is something I never wanted to do. Don’t you see, I’ll always hurt you. I hurt the people I care about, I always have.”

“You care about me?” she says in a small voice. “Me?”

“Of course I do. You’re...you’re everything, Rey.”

“You said I was nothing,” she whispers, swiping at her face. 

“I know I did. I’m an asshole. I’m the one who’s nothing.” Now he’s crying too, desperately trying to pull it together. 

“That’s not true,” Rey replies, and she closes the distance between them and pulls his face down to kiss her. Ben kisses her like a dying man, like he’s drowning and she’s his oxygen. In a way, that’s what she is.

“We’ve both been stupid, haven’t we?” Rey murmurs, nuzzling against his neck. He sighs against her hair. Opening the bond, he’s hit with wave upon wave of emotions - Rey’s emotions. 

“Can we start over?” he asks, a bit desperately. He circles his arms around her - he never wants to let her go. “I won’t leave,” he says quickly, feeling the question in her mind. “I promise I’ll never leave you unless you tell me to.”

She pulls him down for another kiss. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Bendemption day! Please let me know what you think - comments feed the author.


End file.
